Category: Parenting Moments

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Parenting Moment: A Servant of Christ or of Our Children?

calendar

Every year, fall brings with it the challenge of deciding on a new fall schedule. What activities do we say yes to, and which ones do we say no to?

When writing the Philippians, Paul introduced himself as a servant of Jesus (see Philippians 1:1). That wording has had me thinking lately about what my calendar says I serve.

It’s all-too-easy to put things on our calendar just because our children want them or because we feel like a good mom would do that activity. And it’s all-too-easy to find ourselves frantic and without time for evangelism and discipleship opportunities.

Remember as you think through your calendar this fall to keep Christ your master, not your children or your own expectations of motherhood or what others think. After all, if we want to raise our children to prioritize Christ, we need to model that for them. We need to train them that life is about God, not them, not just by sacrificing our own desires for them, but also by sometimes teaching them to sacrifice their own desires for God’s priorities. Christ needs to stay the Master.

Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are at Philippi, with the overseers and deacons: Philippians 1:1 (ESV)

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Parenting Moment: Cherish

growing

My child has been growing so fast lately I keep having to pinch myself. Where did my little one go?

Growth spurts remind us of what we already know intellectually but forget sometimes practically: our children won’t stay young forever. Let’s not forget to cherish the blessing they are, thanking God for them and choosing to enjoy them. And if we want them to enjoy learning, let’s make sure we’re enjoying teaching them too.

It’s too easy to let the challenges of parenting rob us of its joys, but they’ll be a day when they won’t be little any more.

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Parenting Moment: A Blueprint for Parenting?

blueprint

Have you ever wished your child came with a step-by-step blueprint? One that included navigating through the ever-changing complexities of growing up, from the wordless cries of infancy to the hormone-driven reactions of middle and high school?

But God doesn’t give us a blueprint…or does He?

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV)

Wait a minute--every good work would include parenting! God has given us the “blueprint,” so to speak, for raising our children in the Scriptures–the Bible.

Now I know, the Bible doesn’t say exactly what to do with that baby who won’t go to sleep or that middle schooler who’s determined not to do his schoolwork. But it tells us what we need to walk through these stages in a righteous way. It tells us to pray and “give thanks” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV). It tells us that, “A soft answer turns away wrath,
 but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 ESV). It encourages wise counsel (Proverbs 24:6), and tells us we need others (Hebrews 10:24-25). It bids us give Jesus, our Great High Priest who understands (Hebrews 4:14-16), our cares (1 Peter 5:7).

It offers us Jesus, and encourages us to let Him use the “various trials” (James 1:2) in our lives (including parenting!) to grow us. As we look at Jesus and trust what He has revealed in His Word, not our own understanding, He promises to lead and guide us.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

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Parenting Moment: Wisdom

prayer

Ever had a day with your children where by the end you felt simply defeated and like you really didn’t want to face them again the next day? It’s so easy in those moments to let our thoughts go to unhelpful places. We might mentally compare ourselves to others, feeling like a failure (or like the hero, depending). We might feel like we’re trapped in a hopeless situation, unsure where to turn.

God, though, welcomes our honest cry for help. He can handle our questions and frustrations. And He invites us to ask Him for the wisdom we desperately need.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5 (ESV)

I have been recently reminded of the importance of prayer through studying the life of Daniel. God wants us praying, not only on those overwhelmed days, but “without ceasing” (1 Thes. 5:17 ESV), and Daniel’s life illustrates this.

Daniel truly understood that God is the true King in charge–the One Who can truly change the heart of even a pagan king like Nebuchadnezzar who went from building a statue of himself for all to worship to acknowledging God as King. Daniel “prayed and gave thanks” (Daniel 6:10b) three times a day, even when he knew it could cost him his life. He never forgot that God was the giver of all his wisdom.

Are our lives, including our parenting, marked by prayer? What are some habits we can develop to make them more so?

If we want to parent and live for God’s Kingdom, we need God’s strength and wisdom every day.

 

 

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Parenting Moment: You Can’t…and It’s Okay

woman upset

“Go spend some time with Jesus.”

That was my husband’s wise advise. It’d been one of those weeks–sickness had ravaged the house, and my body screamed for rest. Yet so many other needs screamed at me too. How could I do this?

Feeling at the absolute end of myself, I took my husband’s advise and headed up for some time with Jesus. I ended up reading the evening Daily Light devotional, which included this verse:

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 (ESV)

While the context is referring directly to financial sufficiency, the point is that God is able to equip us for the good works He desires us to do. Here was another one:

...he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18b (ESV)

There it was again. Jesus was able.

As parents, we don’t have what we need to love our children the way God calls us to. But Jesus does! If we’re His child, then He can demonstrate His love in us.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:11-12 (ESV)

Think about Jesus’s love for a moment. He spoke the universe into existence, yet He chose to become a helpless baby, dependent on others for everything. His love led Him to give up immeasurable power for weakness…and a birth in a stable no less. Ultimately, His love led Him to the cross.

God is the perfect Father. His love is beyond comprehension. And He is able to strengthen us for the task of parenting the children He entrusts to us. It’s okay to admit that the task is beyond us–it is!–but it’s not beyond our God.

It’s also okay to admit to others when we need help. We’re called to love one another, and as we do, it displays God’s incredible love. I’m so thankful for other believers who have come alongside me and carried me in challenging seasons. They’ve been the tangible display of God’s love.

Dear parent, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, look to Jesus. He is able. And open yourself up to His people. You’ll be amazed at what God can do.

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Parenting Moment: Why Do You Parent the Way You Do?

pathway

Why do you parent the way you do?

We tend to default to what we know. It’s easy to fall into bad habits without realizing it. We tend to act like we saw our parents act–both the good and the bad. And the way we parent will become our children’s default one day.

Even if we were blessed with a godly heritage, our parents were still fallible human beings. They were also different than us, and parenting different children in a different time. We’d be wise to pause and look at our parenting decisions in light of God’s Word.

I was recently listening to a talk on teens and trauma, and the speaker (Tera Melber) pointed out that are brains literally rewire themselves as teenagers, letting go of pathways that aren’t used often. She explained that teens need to practice the things they want to keep, thereby creating firm pathways. She also brought us back to Romans 12:2 and how God wants to renew our minds.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2 (ESV)

God wants us to let go of bad pathways and form new ones. This process continues our whole lives! It made me stop and think about the pathways I’ve formed as a parent, and if they’re really the pathways I want to continue, or if I need some rewiring.

Forging a new pathway takes patience and consistency. It’s easy to just do what we’ve always done. But it’s worth the extra effort to follow Christ and His way more and more in how we parent our children. We can run to the cross, thankful for forgiveness for the past and power to move forward on a different pathway.

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Parenting Moment: Think About the End

The End

It’s easy in the throws of parenting to forget that parenting is temporal.

I remember the struggle my mom had as we grew older and then she faced an empty nest. No children to need her. No laughter and silliness ringing through the house. No little “helpers” underfoot.

Sometimes in the thick of the moment, we resent the extra hands and eyes watching our every move. We long for a bit of alone time and struggle to concentrate on the task and our child. Yet there will be a day when we’ll cook unattended…and miss the questions and “help” and giggles.

As we get ready to embark on a new year, let’s let the reality of how short time is help us cherish the moments we have with our children. They pass by all too soon.

New Year Suggestion: Go through pictures from the year with your children. Praise God for all He’s done and is doing. Pray together about what He has for you in the new year.

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Parenting Moment: Wrapped Presents & Our Child’s Gifting

gifts

I smiled as I watched my son do his best to guess what a package contained. He shook it, noticing its sound. He took note of its size. He thought through everything that could possibly fit that description—or so he thought. I know he’ll be surprised when he unwraps the present and sees what is really inside.

Watching him unwrap that gift got me thinking about unwrapping the gifts God has given us in our children. Each one of them is designed for a purpose and gifted in different ways—yet sometimes the marvelous way they’re designed is buried under a lot of wrapping paper that makes their unique gifts hard to recognize.

As a child, I doggedly wanted my way, day after day, testing my mom’s patience with my strong will. That same strong will turned out to be a gift when yielded to God and serving Him, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t seem like a gift when I tried to flush her child training book down the toilet in an attempt to destroy it. My mom did a lot of hard training before my strong will could actually be a gift instead of a nuisance. I’m glad she looked not at who I was, but at who I could be.

I recently listened to a talk by Carol Barnier titled “Don’t Miss the Gift in This Child.” As you might guess from the title, she encouraged listeners to remember that our children are truly gifts from the Lord. I hope you’ll join me in making that title a prayer this Christmas season. As we see gifts around us, may we remember our children are gifts too and ask God for eyes to see the unique way He’s gifted them.

 

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The Beauties of Sandpaper

sandpaper

If wood could feel, how would it feel when rubbed with sandpaper?

I think it might feel a bit like we do when irritated by those closest to us. No one advertises marriage or parenting as a form of sandpaper–but it is! Those closest to us have a way of going against our grain, of wearing us down.

Yet like sandpaper smooths wood into something usable, those very irritations we shrink from can help sanctify our hearts and mold us into what God intends.

“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification,…” 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (KJV)

Yes, we’re to work on shaping our children’s character. Yes, we’re called to train and disciple them. But we can’t see clearly to do so until we first let God work on us…and He’ll use the very struggles of parenting to do so if we let Him.

 “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5 (ESV)

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Parenting Moment: Parenting When Tired

tired mom

It’s harder to stay loving and make good choices when we’re hungry, tired, etc. We see that in our children over and over again. They get cranky when tired and struggle more than normal to obey. Likewise, it’s harder to be the parents we’re called to be when we’re tired, hurting, hungry, or otherwise in need.

But there’s hope. Jesus went 40 days and nights without food. Talk about an excuse to be hangry! Yet even with Satan himself tempting Jesus, Jesus stayed firm. He obeyed God. (Matthew 4:1-11)

This same Jesus bids us to draw near to Him to obtain the strength to parent in a godly way in those tired moments.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16 (ESV)

Jesus can help us–even if in those tired moments where our bodies make it extra hard. On our own, we’ll fail, just like Adam did back in the Garden. Adam hadn’t gone without food when he was tempted; he lived in a perfect world with all he needed. Yet he still fell to temptation. (Genesis 3)

It’s only in Jesus, not in ourselves or a self-help routine, that we can find the mercy and grace we need. Let’s draw near to Him for the strength we need to resist sin and respond well to our children–even in those tired moments.